I recently auditioned to play violin in my school’s chapel services, and I came away with some realizations that I simply must share with you!
1) I was reminded once again how insecure I really am and how much I crave acceptance from the people around me. The minute I walked on stage I immediately felt a surge of energy course through my veins although it wasn’t completely nervous energy like it has been before—it was more of an invigorating energy which was encouraging. I credit this in part to the fact that I have been given the opportunity to perform worship songs with The Way in front of several church congregations, but mainly I attribute this change to the spiritual growth I have been undergoing in learning to fix my eyes on Jesus.
2) In regards to acceptance, I found my eyes opened to the fact that I still have a long way to go in letting myself become fully accepted by my Father in Heaven and not by man. I still have a long way to go in keeping my eyes on Jesus after initially fixing them.
3) I believe that I am finally reaching closure and full healing from past hurts involving music worship teams at church! My first year at school here I didn’t audition for chapel music worship because I was still too bitter from my past hurts, but over the course of this last year, God has been teaching me some hard lessons in humbling myself before Him. It was in that lowest place though, that I would find unspeakable joy. Now, after auditioning, I feel so carefree. I doesn’t really matter to me whether I am integrated into the team or not. I was true to myself. I redeemed the passions that God has given me. I honored Him by taking a chance and pursuing something that would fill me with life. I’m closer to Abba for it, and that’s all that really matters.